Singleness, Feeling Lonely and Christ

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On being single and finding contentment through our saviour and Lord Jesus Christ

I am a Christian single. I’m also 26 years old now this October I will be 27, and if you too are a Christian single, it is my intention that you read this blog post and feel less alone. My fellow brother and/or sister, you are not alone, even if you feel so, there are many of us singles out there and we all have experienced these challenges and feelings, even when we are complete in Christ.

I too wonder sometimes whether Christ has intended marriage for me, especially because I live in a country where there aren’t many Christian males, and if there are, I do not know them, haha. But I always remind myself of everything I’ve been learning in and during my Bible studies, these are the things I’ve learned, things that have helped me find contentment in Jesus and “be” in the present because tomorrow is God’s job.

Tomorrow is God’s Job.

Every single time I start feeling like I’m starting to drift towards thoughts like, “Where is my God intended partner?” and “Does God want me to be married at all?” I like to remind myself of a few things I’ve gathered from both the Word of God and personal experiences that I’m sure God intended for me to have so that I could become a better person.

  • Marriage is not a necessity
  • Marriage does not fill a void in your life
  • Your partner will never be able to complete you
  • Singleness is not a curse
  • Life comes in seasons
  • Live in the present
  • Trust and have faith in Jesus Christ for all your needs

Now, I’ll take some time to explain all these points in hopes that they will make your own journey of growing with God and trusting his decision of this singleness more encouraging and hopeful to you as it now has become to me.

Marriage is not a necessity in Life

If there’s anything that 1 Corinthians 7 teaches you as that marriage is not necessary by any means.

25 Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this.

1 Corinthians 7:25-28

Reading 1 Corinthians 7 has been really fun to me. I have enjoyed all of it, it has increased my faith in Jesus Christ because it has reassured me that it’s okay to be single. When I am single, naturally, I can devote more time towards my Lord, my God but not just that, it also says that when I’m single I’m spared of the troubles that married brothers and sisters face!

Just yesterday, my sister was telling me how she is starting to feel it’s better to be single, haha!

Isn’t it wonderful that God had made you complete (in Him) the way you are and it is not mandatory for you to marry someone to experience closeness to God?

Marriage does not fill a void in Life

So many times, myself included, because of the romantic movies or peer influence we end up believing this concept of meeting our “other half” or “better half” that it can escape our mindfulness that such a concept is not biblical at all.

This is one of those kingdom over culture concepts for me. I’m basing most of this blog post off of my study in 1 Corinthians 7. And if God had made marriage to fill a void in our lives, because we know that God is good God, I feel that He then would have made marriage mandatory for all of us.

Instead, we see the Scripture repeatedly emphasise the importance of relying on God for our strength, and anything else that we might need. It is God who completes us.

In fact, if you read the passages I quoted earlier in this article you’ll see that married couples will have more troubles and if anything, Apostle Paul wants to spare us from them. So if Marriage was to fill something that was missing from our lives, I don’t think Apostle Paul would have said this, and on that note, even this:

 Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— 10 that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,

Philippians 3:8-10

If anything let these verses remind you, that if you know Jesus Christ, it is enough. You can look back at your life when you are older, and be free of regret because He is enough.

A friend of mine, who is a non-believer told me I really needed to date men properly so that I don’t regret not having lived life to its fullest when I’m 40 and older.

But in Jesus Christ, there is good news. I will never have to regret it, because I know something my friend doesn’t and that is that in if I have been given this chance to know Jesus Christ, I’ve already received the greatest gift from God in life, which has fulfilled me for eternity.

I love that in Christ, we all are new and different. We don’t have to conform to what the culture says because we have the kingdom that God has promised us.

Your partner will never be able to complete you

Ah! If you would have told me this to me 16ish-18ish self, I would have mildly disliked you. But how greateful I am today to know that this is how God designed it to be.

I’ll take an example of a content creator I subscribed to because I loved how she carried herself and kept everything around her neat, organised and lovely. And I love her story, she says, she and her partner only met each other again after they relied only on Jesus Christ and built their relationship with God first.

Only God can complete you, and I know the bible verse is not about marriage or having a husband or a wife that completes you, but I came across this verse in an article and it made sense to me in this scenario as well:

having confidence of this very thing, that he who has begun in you a good work will complete it unto Jesus Christ’s day:

Phillipians 1:6

It really stood out to me that God is the one to complete anything he began in his people. Which made me think that I am thankful for this reason, it will always be God who will complete me and not another human being. It further supports my belief that men and women are to be companions, complete in themselves only through Christ, and not any other person.

Singleness is not a Curse

In fact being single could mean you are spared from the troubles of the married brothers and sisters might have. as it is clearly mentioned above in 1 Corinthians 7:28.

Paul clearly says that it is good to be single. I do feel this to be true, because as I am now I have more time to devote to the Lord, my God. I constantly am reminded by the people around me that the married life should not be seen like some magical happiness that is never-ending.

Reading stories and seeing movies that embedded in my mind as a child the notion of “Happily Ever After”, it can come as a shock that married life isn’t always that. Luckily, I have seen more than enough examples of it. In my experience, the Happily-Ever-After will only come with the second coming of Jesus Christ.

It’s important to learn that singleness is not a curse, I know that to some individuals it will feel so but it not the truth because your faith comes from this:

32 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

1 Corinthians 7:32-35

I love how this entire chapter emphasises the merits of a single life without ever degrading the act of marriage, and the desire to be married, along with the subject of married life.

In my own experience, it is easier to serve others when one is single. So if my words make sense to you I hope and wish that you will not see your singleness as a curse but a time to grow closer to God. Experience your life with Him in its centre. I enjoy my moments of solitude, when I am alone and with God. Because I am single, I am able to have such moments many times of the day.

On Feeling Lonely

Before I talk about the other points I mentioned earlier in this article, I want to tie those points in with the experience of feeling alone. I don’t think that feeling lonely means that you are not steadfast in your faith or that you doubt your contentment in Jesus Christ.

I don’t want my fellow brothers and sisters to beat themselves up over this. This feeling is natural and I think everyone who has been born on earth has felt this feeling at least once in their life. When I start having thoughts that I know will make me feel alone or unloved, I always try to shift my focus to other things.

And hopefully that will help you too. I try to remind myself these things:

Life comes in Seasons

Ever since I lost my dad who was the only bread winner in my house, a lot of changes have happened. People who used to live under one roof together have had to move out separately, and now it’s just me and mom. From being a family of 5 we are now just 2.

In all of this, God has been faithful and providing me and my mom everything we need. From a sudden raise in income, to the realisation that this life is full of different seasons and nothing stays the same for too long. I’ve had a lot of growing up to do. At this moment, because of the grace of God, I am able to earn a living for both me and my mom and we have a roof over our head.

These situations have taught me that even though right now I am single, that may change in the future if God sees it fit.

I hope my testimony reassured you, that feelings of loneliness that you may experience as a Christian single are but a season in your life. God will never leave his children and forsake them. It might be good to distract yourself with other things like going back to a hobby, or finding one.

Personally, I use things that will uplift my mood, so maybe rom-com movies, movies for children, books, music, painting, drawing and writing are all activities that I find get the job done really well. Due to the world situation right now it might not be possible to go out, so indoor activities like these will help.

I will also recommend listening to this episode of Ask Pastor John, I loved it. It really helped me broaden my perspective on how one can use their contentment in Christ to battle any feelings of growing tired of being single, or feeling stuck in the single season of their life.

Live in the present

Sometimes we will forget to live in the present. Often we forget this simple thing that people should mostly live in the present.

When we start thinking too much on questions like, “When am I going to meet someone?”, “When will I get married?” then we start forgetting that the future is not our job. In Christ, we have the satisfaction the the God who rules everything and is absolutely sovereign, loves us, his children the most:

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

John 3:16

God already knows what’s going to happen in the future, and that is enough for us. Jesus told us not to worry about what we will eat, what we wear and so on. There is an entire passage in Scripture that directly quotes Jesus’ words and it’s titled, ” Do Not Worry”.

So really, as believers our worries are eased at once, with just these words. Therefor have have the gift of being able to live in the present from God. We can live stress-free and let Jesus manage the seasons of your life. Let Him decide what will happen in your life.

Trust and have Faith in Jesus Christ for all your needs

Jesus is our Lord and Saviour. I know from my own experience though that sometimes, things will happen and you will feel so alone, so unloved, and so lonely.

There have been times in my life I have struggled so hard that I’ve cried in prayer and told God everything I was feeling, all of them. I would encourage you to do the same, if you are in despair and are discouraged then let God be your refuge.

Personally, God has always comforted me in some way or the other whenever I have cried out to Him, and I’m sure He wants to be there for you too.

Prayer plays a crucial role in any Christian’s life, so pray to God and ask His will be done in these regards in your life. Allow Him to guide you and show you and give you everything He feels you will need.

I’ll close this article with mentioning something I heard in this video:

Lord have mercy on me, If I ever think that just having You in my life is somehow second best to having a “man/woman” in my life.

5 TIPS THAT HELPED ME LOVE SINGLENESS | Does God Even Have Someone For Me??? | Nastasia Grace

When I first heard this, it blew my mind, and the YouTuber who I’ve mentioned, heard it for the first time, it had a similar effect on her.

It is my sincere wish that this article will help you, and I also hope it will ease some of the uncomfortable thoughts that make you feel alone, you are not alone, you have God.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
10 even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
12 even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.13 For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
16 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.

Psalms 139:7-16

And lastly, if it’s of any help at all, you also have a friend in me. Feel free to write to me, I will be happy to hear from you. Let me know what thoughts have occurred in your mind while you read this article and if it helped you!

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Singleness, being lonely and how to over come it all through Jesus Christ.

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